The Vig

If there’s a guaranteed topic that can get your blog’s Nielsen’s up into the stratosphere, it’s soccer.  Soccer fans in this country are fanatical and one unkind word about the sport will send them into a tizzy.  Then into the chat rooms where they link to your story and make comments like “can you believe this idiot?”  It’s a fascinating cycle of self-loathing.

Back in olden days, the only way to comment on a particular story or columnist was to put pen to paper and write the whole thing down.  Then you got to spend a week combing the newspaper, hoping your letter was selected for publication.  You usually got edited for brevity and sometimes your point was completely lost.  But there you were.  In the paper.

Brother Jaynes used to do a terrific bit years ago called “Earth to Jaynes”, in which he’d publish a reader’s letter in his column and then respond to it.  Remember, this was before blogs and instant communication.  You had to WORK to get that letter published.  Jaynes, however, was using us for filler.  Either way…

He’s been following the pending Lents baseball stadium deal pretty closely for the last week or so.  Dwight’s been a pretty very vocal proponent of bringing Major League baseball to town for years.  He even had a spot picked out down in what is now known as the South Waterfront.  It’s still a pretty decent idea in need of a champion.  Unfortunately no one has stepped up.  So we go to Plan B.

Soccer.

Merritt Paulson is putting on the full-court press to bring the MLS to Portland and I don’t trust him one bit.  This deal is all about baseball, specifically getting a new stadium built on someone else’s dime.  See, MLS requires their facilities to be soccer-only.  They can’t share with the Beavers and heaven forbid they play on artificial turf.  No no!  Grass, baby.

So rather than build a new soccer-only facility out in Lents, with a bunch of other improvements to the park, Paulson has decided that would make the perfect place for a baseball stadium instead.  This is all about baseball, remember that.  Paulson figured out pretty quickly how the city’s politics work (are you listening Jim Goldsmith?) and got in cozy with Randy Leonard and Sam Adams.  And voila!  Dumb.  Dumb.  Dumb.

I think the question of whether the MLS could work here is equal to whether AAA baseball could work in Lents.  The answer to both is “who knows”.  Dwight wonders whether MLS is truly major league.  It isn’t.  It’s a talent pool for Europe.  I heard a great explanation of the MLS’ role in club soccer.  Basically they’ve become a conduit for the great African talent out there.  The Africans come here to play, hoping to get to Europe.  The Europeans look at the league as a mix of Americans and Africans and will come in and poach at will.  The great players from Europe won’t be coming here anytime soon, especially if the oligarchs and rich Middle Eastern oil men keep throwing their money around the Premiership.

Will Portlanders pay to see AA-level soccer played here?  Man, I don’t know.  And I don’t think Paulson cares.  Once he gets his new baseball stadium, I’m willing to bet he’ll leave the MLS people out to dry.

From Dwight Jaynes’ column this morning:

If you’re over 21, leave the replica jerseys to the kids. Honestly, even the throwbacks look weird on adults — particularly adults with potbellies.

No can do. I’m not saving my pennies for that Mitchell and Ness Twardzik jersey just so I can display it in my bedroom.  Besides, it freaks out the ladies.  And don’t get me started on the #24 Luke Schenscher road black jersey I’ll be picking up as well..

I’m with him on the earplugs though.  The tinnitus is beginning to set in permanently and going to loud arenas doesn’t help much.  It’s a matter of time before they start piping the crowd noise into the place again.  I may look stupid walking around with protection, but it beats the heck out of being unable to hear myself think over the ringing in my ears.

Dwight Jaynes hits the nail on the head.

They do a couple of things that drive me – and a lot of fans, from the comments I hear – quite nuts.

The first is to suddenly criticize a former Blazer after years of saying nothing about that player. I’m not sure if these broadcasters understand how bad it sounds when they jump on Zach Randolph, as they did last week on the air, for his horrible defense, when they sang his praises night after night while he was a Blazer.

Thank you!  I’m also getting tired of hearing the line about the team showing up for practice a month early.  And there’s this.  *Blech*  I get it.  The old crew was a bunch of pot smoking bums who spent their time trying to out bling one another (see Zach’s crib and Pippen’s yacht).  Wheels and Rice would have me believe the current team spend their downtime cloistered in a monastery on Scouters’ Mountain.  It ain’t so.

All this goodie-two-shoes blathering I hear on the radio almost makes me wistful for the old Jail Blazers.  Almost.

Playoffs???? They have playoffs in I-AA? Would anyone notice if Portland State went?Regardless of all the behind-the-scenes kvetching, I liked the call. I thought it was ballsy. And why the hell not? We hired a riverboat gambler.

If you haven’t read Dwight Jaynes’ column this morning, you should.

Last week, I investigated a persistent rumor that the Hawks weren’t paying some of their bills around town. I knew of a few businesses that had been waiting for payment for several months. It made for an interesting coincidence – about the time it became known to the Western Hockey League office that I was looking into late payments, bills got paid.

Goldsmith denied Friday that the team was in arrears, which is good – because it looks as if the Hawks will spend much of the season at the rear end of the standings.

Yikes!

Despite their recent lack of success on the ice, the Hawks organization retains a ton of goodwill within the community.  Every time I mention them to a friend or co-worker, the response is always positive.  In fact that person will usually ask to join me at a game.  It could be my sparkling personality, but I’m guessing it’s a genuine interest in the team.

The new ownership came to town with talk of waking a slumbering bear.  We’re 18-months into rebuilding and the bear still snores.

The new owners of the Portland Beavers have been sponsoring a “name that team” contest through their website. Seems Merritt Paulson doesn’t think we in the Beaver State can tell the difference between the Oregon State Beavers and the Portland Beavers. The finalists for the new nickname include the GreenSox, Sockeyes, Thorns, and WetSox. None are worthy. Although Sockeyes would be a tremendous college nickname, but I don’t want to reopen that old wound.

The voting site has been the butt of more than a few Internet jokes, having been picked up by both AOL’s excellent FanHouse blog and Deadspin. Both features likely resulted in a significant skewing of the results by out-of-towners. My problem with it is they force me to vote for each name in order of preference. So do you vote for the Beavers #1 all fve times? Or the Beavers #1 then all four other options as #5? Because there’s no way I’m picking one of those names over the other.

Enter the sixth choice. Dwight Jaynes had an interesting thought in today’s column.

Everyone seems to want our Triple-A baseball team to keep Beavers as its nickname. One of the big reasons is that the nicknames on the list the team has offered are so uninspiring. I mean, Sockeyes? Come on.

The most controversial name suggestion I’ve heard didn’t seem to make the final cut, but it’s sure to spark the most debate around the office water cooler.

That would be the Portland Homers – and no, not named directly after the four-bagger. It’s the idea of making the nickname and mascot the main character from “The Simpsons,” created by native son Matt Groening.

To do it up right and use Homer’s likeness, you’d need permission, I assume –and that probably would hinge on whether the Lincoln High grad spent much time hanging out at the ballpark down the street from his alma mater.

Funny thing about this choice – a lot of people under 35 think it’s, well, a home run. The older ones think it’s totally silly.

No. No. No! As I commented down below, if we’re going Simpsons, the only proper answer is the Portland Nahasapeemapetilons. Imagine putting THAT across your chest.

Listen. Merritt. Don’t mess with the name. It’s been tried before with little success. No one here will be buying any additional merchandise because there’s a fish or a sock or Homer Simpson on a cap. That’s just not how we roll here. Beavers is a fine nickname. And it should be kept.