The Vig

*When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Phil Gervais.

*Phil Gervais does not sleep. He waits.

*When Phil Gervais does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

*Phil Gervais’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

*Phil Gervais has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

*Phil Gervais once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 2006, a naked Phil Gervais re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a Snickers bar.

*Phil Gervais is the reason you’ve never seen Chuck Norris on ice skates.

Welcome to Portland, you glorious son-of-a-gun!