The Vig

The meatheads on The Fan have taken to calling the on-again/off-again girlfriend of their producer “The Cougar”. I thought maybe I’d lost out on an inside joke from way back. Maybe she was a Washington State graduate. Turns out there’s a genre of single(?) woman out there called the Cougar. The Bachelor Guy has set me straight.

MILF: An acronym for Mom I’d Like to F*ck, the term gained widespread popularity after it was used in the film, American Pie. Some MILFs may still be married, but the recently divorced are the only ones you can safely pursue. (Unless you want her husband hunting you.) Some may eventually develop into full-blown Cougars.

Cougar: A woman generally over 40, who has “been around the mountain” a time or two. She may be long divorced, or in the case of particularly predatory Cougars, may never have been married.

Oh!  I get it now. Pete In Parkrose married a MILF.  Actually he didn’t “marry” a MILF.  He married a nice young lady and turned her into a MILF.

Wheras the “lady” I delivered food to a few weeks ago who told me she wasn’t high maintenance as she complained I’d arrived too early and was charging too much as one of her kids kicked me in the shin…she’s a cougar.  Good to know.

There’s a reason people tune into you rather than watch the game.  Maybe they’re out running errands.  Maybe they’re driving home from work.  Maybe they’re at work.  Whatever it is they’re doing, they’re listening to you because they can’t watch the game on TV.  No one, and I mean no one, is turning down the TV to hear Dick Enberg and Dennis “Crown Their Asses” Green call a game.

Do the guys back in the truck, or anywhere for that matter, have any access to Dick Enberg’s headset?  Could you please use that headset to remind Dick to give me down and distance maybe every two or three plays instead of every two or three possessions?  The score every minute or so would be nice too.  Twice during the first half last night he went over five minutes between score updates.  I know.  I timed him on my watch.  On radio, five minutes is an eternity.  At one point, rather than give me any actual game information, he gave me some story about how Tony Romo grew up idolizing Brett Favre.  The thing is, neither Romo nor Favre were on the field at that moment.  Aaron Rogers was quarterbacking Green Bay on a drive, but the way Enberg was going on about Romo, I honestly thought the Cowboys had the ball.  I’m still not 100% sure what the heck was going on.  This happened several times during the game.

Green wasn’t any help either.  The more he talked, the more I understood why he was such a train wreck in Arizona.  My absolute favorite part was when he mistook Jason Whitten (6′5″ 265 pound white guy) for Terrell Owens (6′3″ 215 pound black guy).

Green sucks, but last night’s debacle was all Enberg.  I get that he has some time on his hands between now and tennis season.  I understand.  And maybe he needs the Thursday night gig, but I doubt it.  Either way, Enberg belongs on TV.  That way he can blather on about whatever he wants and as long as the score is on the screen, no one has to pay attention to him.  It’s too bad Gus Johnson was busy calling the Knicks game debacle last night.  He would have been perfect.

In case the video didn’t blow your mind, try this on for size: Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, the bare-chested guitarist on the far right, is now a missile defense consultant.

Of course he is.

The meme thrives as Obama rises in the polls.  When confronted with the truth, or at least asked to defend themselves, the “Obama Is Muslim” crew tend to wither.  You should try it out for yourself.

I had a little time to kill downtown on Tuesday night, so I ducked into the remodeled Meier and Frank Macy’s to see what they’d done with the place.  I’d only been in the store a few times in my life.  I’d been very unimpressed.  It seemed stuck in some bygone era.  Like one of those dive casinos in downtown Vegas.  I just remember it being dark and the items were low rent.  The multi-million dollar renovation has turned the place into something straight out of the TV room in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Everything is white and bright and turned up to 11.  At least that was the main floor.  I didn’t go exploring any further.

As I was leaving out the 6th Ave exit, I watched a police officer escorting a young woman, she was no older than 25, out of the store.  I guess she’d been picked up for shoplifting.  She was sobbing to the officer, unsure of what would happen to her.  It took me back to my days as an accused criminal.  The cop did a good job of toeing the line between stern cop dude and sympathetic father figure.  He told her a few times she needed to quit doing drugs.

Helter Skelter came immediately to mind.  She was sitting at the bottom of the slide and had a decision to make.  Does she go back to the top and ride again?  Or does she choose a new course?  It was like looking at the before picture of a new face of meth.  I so badly wanted to come over, give her a hug, and take her out for a hot meal.  And maybe I should have.  But ultimately it’s going to be her decision as to what she wants to do.

I hope she’s alright.

So says Megan, the female subject of this week’s Date Lab experiment in the Washington Post.

I was glad that he was Christian. But he does things that I don’t do, like dancing and drinking and going to movies.

I’ve got to imagine dating her is like dating Angela from The Office.  Only Angela will let you get to second base without an engagement ring.

HT:  Brother Morton 

I hated that lady for getting my name wrong.HT: Blogtown

I keep running into these people.

Ron Cherry has been lighting up the Interwebs all weekend. I hope we haven’t seen the last of him this season. College football would be well served to advertise his presence should he officiate a bowl game. So long as it doesn’t involve Clemson.

National park or volcanic monument?  On the face, it would seem to be a no brainer, but like most everything else, nothing is as easy as it seems.  If turning it into a national park means less access for sportsmen, then we need to find another option.