The Vig

I’m gonna go talk to some senoritas and drink warm beer. See you in a few days.

In my nighttime rounds about the city, I’ve encountered the Motorhome Bike more than once.  It’s almost always been parked over in Southeast, but I’ve seen the guy drive it around once or twice.  Aesthetically it didn’t really do anything for me, but to each their own, you know?  Anyway, I guess it was torn up pretty well the other night.  Not cool.  Not cool at all.

The Sports Church at Cascade Bar and Grill will open for business on September 9th. You can read all about it here. Football and the Baby Jesus. What a combo!

“This is a brand-new concept,” said Unverzagt, an Assemblies of God minister since 1986 who established a church called The House in Vancouver about 20 months ago. “The first five minutes will be the high-five huddle for getting to know each other. Then the sideline reporter will make announcements at which point an offering can be made.”

He will follow with a coach’s talk, a 15-minute positive message about ways to live a champion’s life. The service wraps up with Unverzagt responding to questions in the final five minutes.

What happens when I curse a Matt Leinart interception? Most importantly, how many beers will be on tap? These are questions I have.

By now you’ve no doubt heard the tape of Larry Craig’s interrogation has been made public by the Minneapolis police.  The Senator doesn’t come off well at all.  We learn he’s a “wide guy” who’s clumsy with toilet paper and thinks it no big deal to touch another man’s foot while doing his business in the stall of a public restroom.  Being a “wide guy” myself, I can tell you from experience that when I’m in a public restroom, I try to make myself as narrow as possible and get out of there as quickly as possible.  No eye contact.  No fumbling for lost toilet paper.  The five second rule is waived when it comes to the TP.  Even at home.

The reaction by the majority of folks has been swift and decisive.  The guy needs to go.  And it’s not because he’s gay.  And it’s not because he’s closeted.  It’s because this behavior, in such a public place, is simply unacceptable.  I cannot imagine bringing my buddy’s kids into a mens room only to find two grown men wandering out of a single stall.  Or two grown women.  Or a man and a woman for that matter.  There’s a time and a place and a public restroom is neither.  I shouldn’t have to explain to a 10-year-old why there are two sets of feet in a toilet stall.  I just shouldn’t.

I say the majority of folks have been pretty decisive in their opinion that Craig needs to go.  There is a minority though that I heard on right wing radio today who believe Craig should stay and fight.  Why?  Because the liberal sexual trinity of Clinton, Kennedy, and Frank all got to keep their jobs, so why shouldn’t Craig keep his?  One caller on the Hugh Hewitt Show was particularly priceless.

“When someone brings up Mark Foley,” he suggested, “you should respond ‘on a scale of one-to-Barney Frank, Mark Foley is a two.’”

How can you argue with logic like that?  Oh, that’s right.  Mark Foley was a pedophile.  You’re certainly not going to get a defense of any of them out of me, but come on.  Because Kennedy got a pass and was re-elected, you really think Craig should get one too?  Alright.  Go for it!  Run Larry Craig for re-election.  See how that goes in Idaho.

The thing is, on Hannity, on Hewitt, on Rusty Humphries…caller after caller barked about Clinton and Barney Frank and said Craig should fight.  Even local guy Mark Mason got a couple of calls from the fringe claiming Craig had been entrapped.  One called Craig’s actions “benign activity.”  Riiiight.  It was all benign right up to the point where the two gentlemen began to engage in sexual activity.  Do you think this is the first time Craig has done this?  At this airport?  If you believe that…I can’t help you.

Whats ironic here is the majority of the folks defending Craig are the same folks who claim to be “Values Voters”.  The same folks who voted against same-sex marriage.  Who attend homophobic churches.  Who claim homosexuality is a sin.  Yet they’re going to defend Craig?  Yikes.

Further irony has come from the gay community.  Do  they like Craig’s politics?  Absolutely not.  But they also see a guy who’s in a similar spot many of them were thirty years ago.  Closeted and perhaps ashamed.  I can’t speak for the gay community, but I’d be willing to bet they’d welcome Craig with open arms if he’d come out.  I mean, honestly come out.  McGreevy-style.  I may well be wrong, but I don’t think I am.

The paradox.  Larry Craig may end up further fracturing the Republican party.  Stay with me here…

Rush Limbaugh has compared the political spectrum to a football field.  You’ve got your rock-solid conservatives occupying the space from one goal line out to the 40-yard-line.  On the opposite side, liberals take up space from their goal line to their 40.  And between the 40s are the voters both teams are trying to attract.  If you can get the majority of that 20%, you’re going to win your election.

Those people calling in to Hannity et al. today were all way down toward the 10-yard-line of the conservative movement.  That is to say they’re crazy-hardcore.  And what those folks love to do more than anything is lob grenades at the hardcore 10-yard-line on the other side.  When you hear any Republican bring up the names Bill Clinton or Ted Kennedy, you’re hearing one of these whack jobs.  Ann Coulter comes to mind.

The problem is they have to lob the grenade over the heads of everyone standing in-between.  And those in-betweeners are getting awful tired of the act.  And eventually the in-betweeners fail to distinguish between their friend standing just to their right and the guys who are actually lobbing the grenades.  And the in-betweeners begin to move toward the other side.  I believe we saw this manifest itself in 2006.

So what will happen is the guys in the middle, who are the guys running for election, will ignore the rhetoric of the grenade throwers and try to talk some sense.  Which is what’s happening.  Romney and McCain have both moved way far away from Craig.  But see this ticks off the grenade throwers, who the candidates simply cannot win an election without.  Hence the paradox.  Either follow the grenade throwers and piss off the middle.  Or take your chances with the middle and piss off the grenade throwers.  This strategy didn’t work out so well on immigration.

What to do, what to do?  I wonder who Fred Thompson will ally himself with next week…

An author with a new book out gets invited to appear on Oprah. The catch? He can’t discuss the book.

Apparently she hasn’t even read my book and being a first-time author and going on Oprah but being told you can’t mention your book is pretty much akin to having Charlize Theron walk up real close to you, take off all her clothes, look you in the eye — lean so close you can feel her warm breath — and whisper in your ear: You may not touch me.

Every author in America, from Stephen King to Dave Zirin dreams of one day discussing his book with America’s greatest bookseller.  And to drag him or her onto the show and not allow them to even mention their book…well, it ain’t right.  So here’s to you, Chris Rose, fellow depression survivor.  May your book sell a million copies.  May you move to Belize.  May you live out your years comfortably with an umbrella drink in your hand.  Just don’t forget us little people who helped along the way.

God, that’s funny.
The Merc has it in slo-mo. Enjoy!

MoveOn.org has made a $20,000 local buy to blast Brian Baird on his war flip-flop. I have no idea what $20,000 will get you in this market. No doubt, it’ll be heavy in The Columbian.

What to do with my congressman? God, I don’t know. As Thomas Ricks pointed out at Powell’s, there are no good options left. The options we’re left with all contain a significant downside. “Significant downside” is sugar-coating it. The remaining options all suck. The question at this point is how well do the American people understand that fact? And how willing are they to go through the suck in order to get out the other end, if there even is an other end? And that’s where Baird, and frankly the rest of the Democratic party, is stuck. If they choose to pursue a withdrawal strategy, can they trust the American people to stick with them through the coming months and even years of consequences? Personally I believe they can and should.

It may well take another election to drive the point home, however. Sending folks like Al Franken and Steve Novick to the Senate will be a strong signal to the Dem leadership as to where the American people stand. Imagine a caucus of first-term Dems led by Jim Webb staging a revolt within the party, casting the Dodds and Bidens aside and taking the whole thing over. How cool would that be?

Something’s gotta shake these boys and girls up. I don’t know what it will be yet. There’s got to be something we can do.

Congratulations to the Hawks on finally getting a deal to install the video screens in the Coliseum. And a helluva deal it is.

The agreement calls for the City to install and lease the four Winter Hawks-owned LED screens for a one year demonstration period. If the boards are deemed acceptable by the City, the Winter Hawks and Winter Hawks fans during that time, the City will purchase the screens outright.

They actually made the city buy ‘em?  Wow.  Good on you, Jim!

For all his blustering the last 18 months, it seems J2 have been trying to do their negotiating behind-the-scenes, with a minimum of disturbance and stepping on toes.  I mean sure, Goldsmith has gone off the reservation more than once, but he’s only done it after being brushed off.  Will things improve now?  Will the bathrooms finally get fixed?  Will the ceiling tiles in the MC get scrubbed or *gasp* replaced?  Let’s not go getting too far ahead of ourselves.  For now, let’s enjoy the moment and wish great luck to whoever will be memorizing the owner’s manual and figuring out how to work the damned things.  September 21st will be here before you know it.

Before Michael Vick, before Akili Smith, before Ryan Leaf, there was Todd Marinovich. Back when I was in school, he was a hotshot quarterback at USC. His dad had literally trained him out of the womb to be an NFL quarterback. So regimented was his life, he didn’t experience the joy of the Big Mac until he was in the NFL. It was unbelievable. The guy was freakishly good. Peyton Manning before there was a Peyton Manning. He should have been all-world. But eventually that upbringing caught up with him and he went spinning out of control, Brian Wilson-style.

It looks like things haven’t gotten any better.

“(Marinovich) was found hiding in a carport about 1:30 a.m. (Sunday), police Sgt. Evan Sailor said. After searching Marinovich, police found about one gram of methamphetamine, a metal spoon and a hypodermic needle, Sailor said.

Wow.

Actually this is good news for one guy. Former #1 overall Tim Couch this week admitted to taking HGH, a substance banned by the NFL, during his comeback attempt with the Jacksonville Jaguars. Nothing like someone else’s troubles to keep folks from asking about your own. Actually, Couch seems to have put his money in the bank and thus is living a pretty good life somewhere. Like Jason Grimsley, he doesn’t need this.

This week marks the fourth anniversary of the purchase of my current car.  “Whip” as the kids say.  It’s a 2001 Honda Civic and it’s fan-freaking-tastic.  When I got it, it had these 17″ white rims on it from the previous owner.  A year of “nice wheels” from the under-18 crowd convinced me to hit Costco for some less flashy rims.  The $400 I pocketed made the next month’s payment.

I’ve driven 130,000 miles on it since I bought it.  It’s been to Canada, Boise, Ashland, and innumerable trips to Salem.  Never hiccuped.  Never sputtered.  I’ve fed it nothing but synthetic oil and 87 gasoline.

There’s one part though that’s vexed me for years.  One part critical to driving in this region.  And one part that’s never been quite right.  The windshield wipers.  I get a new set every year.  And every year within months they start to streak and chatter.  I have zero idea why.  I don’t think I do anything different than the normal driver.  When it rains, I turn them on.  When it stops, I turn them off.  You would think I’d be able to find a wiper that works.

Every year I hit GI Joe’s in search of something that works.  Every year the kid in the baggy pants gives me the “top-of-the-line” wipe, which I dutifully install and drive away.  Satisfied.

This year was no different.  I went into the Delta Park Joe’s last weekend to pick up my new wipers.  This year I went with the Rain-X model.  The marketing literature seemed most convincing.  Taking them out of their container, I immediately noticed something different.  Rather than being rigid like the ones I’ve always picked up, these were kind of springy and light.  After installing them, I noticed the wiper arms rode a little closer to the windshield.  Does this provide extra torque?  Something else?  I’ve no idea.

What I will tell you is during a brief shower over the weekend, the new wipers performed like champs.  No streaks.  No chatter.  Literally no noise.  Just a sooth, quiet sweep.  And my windshield was crystal clear.  It’s the small victories, yes?

So there you have it.  The Bean endorses Rain-X blades.  I can’t wait for the rain to come.